just a quick decision we (college students) r faced with everyday: which would you rather get: renal stones or a nasty UT infection?
you c, it is simple, if you need to pee anytime while u're in college, u either gotta hold it in till you get home, which if you're lucky and traffic is good would never take less than an hour, or go into the "loo" there. Ahem.. i need not mention the state the toilets r in, i think we all got the picture.
so, basically, what do you do?
Monday, January 14, 2008
Monday, December 31, 2007
New Year's resolutions! YAY!
2008:
1. Positive attitude towards life, appreciate what I have more, and be more thankful to God.
2. Read the Qur’an at least twice this year.
3. Plan/participate in at least one charity event.
4. read more about :
a. historical characters: Guevara
b. organizations: unicef, WHO, UN
c. Novels and self inspiring.
5. Do yoga at least 4 times a week.
6. Get better at the guitar.
7. loose 10 kg
8. Make (& keep!) at least 1 new friend.
9. Be more open & learn to make my own decisions.
10. Sit for and pass the USMLE step 1.
11. Get an A this year.
12. Go to the opera and wheel of culture at least 10 times this year.
13. Read something in Italian… come on already!!!
14. Do more “acts of kindness” and help people more often.
15. Believe more in myself, my friends, and my family, and be more understanding of differences in opinion.
16. Hug my family members and friends more often.
17. Write and send an article to a newspaper/ magazine, basically, get something published.
18. Have more parties! And girly get togethers (we’re talking chocolate, people!)
19. Wear heals more often.
20. Beach buggy/ Jet Ski/ bungee jumping… wild activity!
1. Positive attitude towards life, appreciate what I have more, and be more thankful to God.
2. Read the Qur’an at least twice this year.
3. Plan/participate in at least one charity event.
4. read more about :
a. historical characters: Guevara
b. organizations: unicef, WHO, UN
c. Novels and self inspiring.
5. Do yoga at least 4 times a week.
6. Get better at the guitar.
7. loose 10 kg
8. Make (& keep!) at least 1 new friend.
9. Be more open & learn to make my own decisions.
10. Sit for and pass the USMLE step 1.
11. Get an A this year.
12. Go to the opera and wheel of culture at least 10 times this year.
13. Read something in Italian… come on already!!!
14. Do more “acts of kindness” and help people more often.
15. Believe more in myself, my friends, and my family, and be more understanding of differences in opinion.
16. Hug my family members and friends more often.
17. Write and send an article to a newspaper/ magazine, basically, get something published.
18. Have more parties! And girly get togethers (we’re talking chocolate, people!)
19. Wear heals more often.
20. Beach buggy/ Jet Ski/ bungee jumping… wild activity!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Incoherent
i am a shaddow of myself. my mind and soul somewhere else. floating somewhere far from here. i have no awareness anymore. no realisation.
do i exist?
my mind plays tricks on me, making me think thoughts to hide other thoughts. to hide emotions i am unwilling to feel.
i dont have time to think, or feel. i am running on autopilot, and an inefficient one at that.
i am switched off.
i no longer sense time. a long night's sleep is a blink.
i no longer feel taste, food is a vitality and a process. no longer enjoyed.
i do not understand what or why i feel what i feel. i do not know what to do about it. i am not used to being that detached from myself.
i long for reconnecting my body with my soul.
i long for exsistance.
do i exist?
my mind plays tricks on me, making me think thoughts to hide other thoughts. to hide emotions i am unwilling to feel.
i dont have time to think, or feel. i am running on autopilot, and an inefficient one at that.
i am switched off.
i no longer sense time. a long night's sleep is a blink.
i no longer feel taste, food is a vitality and a process. no longer enjoyed.
i do not understand what or why i feel what i feel. i do not know what to do about it. i am not used to being that detached from myself.
i long for reconnecting my body with my soul.
i long for exsistance.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
the need to become
We are corrupted.
A few days back, I looked around my section and I got thinking. Around me were close to 50 3rd year med students, who in 4 years will be doctors, and more importantly adults. making decisions that affect the entire community. All I saw were a bunch of young kids, still stuck somewhere in high school.
Our whole generation, We are so concerned about what people are wearing and who’s dating who, and who’s cuter than who, who drives what… the list of extremely meaningless topics is endless. Not only is it a disgrace, it is a scary time bomb!
I can not realize where exactly the problem initiated but I do know it exists.
Somehow, what we have is absolute ignorance. We know nothing about politics, literature, religion, history, art, or anything that is of meaning. How are we expected to be running a country in a decade or so?
Lets look at it that way, it seems, since our country isn’t exactly doing all that great now, allow me to elaborate- a lousy infrastructure that currently allows for a traffic jam to exist anywhere, and everywhere most of the time, an education system that allows for absolute shutting down of the brain, forget “thinking outside the box”, I don’t think there’s even thinking within any box whatsoever, the horrendous “tipping/bribery” systems along with the “favoring” underlining any process that goes around…etc etc- I don’t think the previous generation did all that well, no? and I am talking about a generation that was better educated, more moral and ethical and more aware of the environmental and other issues that meant something. We are talking about a generation that knew the difference between republican and liberal and all these “big words”.
Before them, was the generation that got us though war into peace.
talk about circling the drain!
Yesterday, was human rights’ day. They were celebrating it in the uni by creating a mini-galery with express-yourself charts, and by running the movie “beyond borders”(that didn’t exactly work out, but the gallery was great). I was real excited about going, but none of my friends were. I took my sister and went anyway. Talk about being stuck with the wrong friends. And none of them was even supportive. They were all joking about how all they wanted was to be “doctors” and nothing else. What about being human, and alive?
Dr. ibrahim elfiky once said something like: its always better to be alone than end up with the wrong croud. inspite of believing in that, I don’t really know if I have the courage. I want to learn, and learn more and more about the things that matter. The causes and the types and the structure. I want to educate myself and make a difference. I don’t want to end up like the “croud” and I don’t want to run away. I want a better life but I want to help people live better lives too.
Yes, I don’t want to be alone, and it confuses me not to be able to see clearly, and decide on a plan to stick to with all my heart and soul. And I guess it’s part of being where I am and the “med school” no-time-to-even-think syndrome.
I need to change. I need to become.
A few days back, I looked around my section and I got thinking. Around me were close to 50 3rd year med students, who in 4 years will be doctors, and more importantly adults. making decisions that affect the entire community. All I saw were a bunch of young kids, still stuck somewhere in high school.
Our whole generation, We are so concerned about what people are wearing and who’s dating who, and who’s cuter than who, who drives what… the list of extremely meaningless topics is endless. Not only is it a disgrace, it is a scary time bomb!
I can not realize where exactly the problem initiated but I do know it exists.
Somehow, what we have is absolute ignorance. We know nothing about politics, literature, religion, history, art, or anything that is of meaning. How are we expected to be running a country in a decade or so?
Lets look at it that way, it seems, since our country isn’t exactly doing all that great now, allow me to elaborate- a lousy infrastructure that currently allows for a traffic jam to exist anywhere, and everywhere most of the time, an education system that allows for absolute shutting down of the brain, forget “thinking outside the box”, I don’t think there’s even thinking within any box whatsoever, the horrendous “tipping/bribery” systems along with the “favoring” underlining any process that goes around…etc etc- I don’t think the previous generation did all that well, no? and I am talking about a generation that was better educated, more moral and ethical and more aware of the environmental and other issues that meant something. We are talking about a generation that knew the difference between republican and liberal and all these “big words”.
Before them, was the generation that got us though war into peace.
talk about circling the drain!
Yesterday, was human rights’ day. They were celebrating it in the uni by creating a mini-galery with express-yourself charts, and by running the movie “beyond borders”(that didn’t exactly work out, but the gallery was great). I was real excited about going, but none of my friends were. I took my sister and went anyway. Talk about being stuck with the wrong friends. And none of them was even supportive. They were all joking about how all they wanted was to be “doctors” and nothing else. What about being human, and alive?
Dr. ibrahim elfiky once said something like: its always better to be alone than end up with the wrong croud. inspite of believing in that, I don’t really know if I have the courage. I want to learn, and learn more and more about the things that matter. The causes and the types and the structure. I want to educate myself and make a difference. I don’t want to end up like the “croud” and I don’t want to run away. I want a better life but I want to help people live better lives too.
Yes, I don’t want to be alone, and it confuses me not to be able to see clearly, and decide on a plan to stick to with all my heart and soul. And I guess it’s part of being where I am and the “med school” no-time-to-even-think syndrome.
I need to change. I need to become.
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Nostalgia
yesterday, i drove my sis to school, my ol' school.
i stepped inside with a deep breath. it felt as if it's been ages yet as if it was only yesterday that i ran around the playground, and up and down the stairs. i felt tight in my chest.
i ascended the stairs with her up to the IGCSE floor, said hello to my old supervisor. i didn;t like her that much. she was always quite fake, i felt.
i didn't stay for long. i couldn't. something didn't quite work.
i miss him too much. i miss everything too much. it comes as those strong pangs of absolutely just missing everything. feeling real tired and broken.
i went grocery shopping, prepared lunch, then decided i would go back to pick her up and say hello to my old bio teacher. i dressed "pleasantly", and got going. reached school a bit earlier, so i just stood on the stairs looking out the window into the playground.
i wanted to face myself. to realise what was wrong. to fix it. but only i felt real tight, and tears were close by.
i do not understand. i can not interpret what i feel. i can not be grieving for my life. sure, it's been a bit tough lately, and things weren't going my way the past couple of years, but now things r getting better. but it feels like the wound hasnt healed.
i need to heal completely and not be living my life as intermittent phases of energy and enthusiasm mixed with absolute unawareness, grief, and beurocracy.
i do not know how.
i stepped inside with a deep breath. it felt as if it's been ages yet as if it was only yesterday that i ran around the playground, and up and down the stairs. i felt tight in my chest.
i ascended the stairs with her up to the IGCSE floor, said hello to my old supervisor. i didn;t like her that much. she was always quite fake, i felt.
i didn't stay for long. i couldn't. something didn't quite work.
i miss him too much. i miss everything too much. it comes as those strong pangs of absolutely just missing everything. feeling real tired and broken.
i went grocery shopping, prepared lunch, then decided i would go back to pick her up and say hello to my old bio teacher. i dressed "pleasantly", and got going. reached school a bit earlier, so i just stood on the stairs looking out the window into the playground.
i wanted to face myself. to realise what was wrong. to fix it. but only i felt real tight, and tears were close by.
i do not understand. i can not interpret what i feel. i can not be grieving for my life. sure, it's been a bit tough lately, and things weren't going my way the past couple of years, but now things r getting better. but it feels like the wound hasnt healed.
i need to heal completely and not be living my life as intermittent phases of energy and enthusiasm mixed with absolute unawareness, grief, and beurocracy.
i do not know how.
Monday, November 19, 2007
the dreamers
blank. sometimes living so much in confusion leads to this point where u just think, blank.
you do no know how you feel, or what u want, or what you should be doing. dont get me wrong, it isnt coz ur life is going too routinely or coz you r bored... being "not a kid, yet definately not an adult" totally sucks. forget the fact that you can make mistakes with no major consequence, yet sleeping when u wanna and all the seemingly good side of this strange phase. and look at it that way, you are in charge; everything you do will affect everything that happens to you in the future. it is crystal clear. transparent, and painfully obvious.
we spend about a third of our time sleeping, a third doing absolute junk/ vital processes including eating, watching tv, driving, on the phone etc etc, and the last third of the time in oblivion.
we do not neccessarily know where we're headed, or how we're gonna get there. yet we do not -in anyway- live in the moment. we excessively stress on issues that are as meaningless and trivial as our hair and outings, know practically nothing about politics or how our country is run, yet very much believe that when we are older we will all have tons of cash, drive any car we want and live anywhere we want, stress free and happy. we are the Dreamers.
you do no know how you feel, or what u want, or what you should be doing. dont get me wrong, it isnt coz ur life is going too routinely or coz you r bored... being "not a kid, yet definately not an adult" totally sucks. forget the fact that you can make mistakes with no major consequence, yet sleeping when u wanna and all the seemingly good side of this strange phase. and look at it that way, you are in charge; everything you do will affect everything that happens to you in the future. it is crystal clear. transparent, and painfully obvious.
we spend about a third of our time sleeping, a third doing absolute junk/ vital processes including eating, watching tv, driving, on the phone etc etc, and the last third of the time in oblivion.
we do not neccessarily know where we're headed, or how we're gonna get there. yet we do not -in anyway- live in the moment. we excessively stress on issues that are as meaningless and trivial as our hair and outings, know practically nothing about politics or how our country is run, yet very much believe that when we are older we will all have tons of cash, drive any car we want and live anywhere we want, stress free and happy. we are the Dreamers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)