ARRGGGGGGGGGG!!! i've been in bed for 2 hours now! it sucks! i havent had this much trouble sleeping in 2 years or something. a couple of days ago i was in bed for 4 hours till i fell asleep!
it's putting me in a tough mood. ramadan and september! tough break. lets see...a horendous change in diet, weather, routine, put that together with a new university, living alone again, vacaton is over, and a severe case of boredom, laziness and obviously, insomnia!
i almost feel sorry for myself. except for the fact that i know things will be just fine in a few weeks. but until then, it's basically putting up with the crap that will only get worse, as studying material builds up in four subjects that i hardly know a thing about. given that this year is the toughest in med school and most people fall here, i'm guessing thats not a good thing.
i guess what bothers me most is how "not proactive" i'm being. i mean i'm supposed to go to uni and attend the lectures that started 2 weeks ago. but then again, everytime i go, i feel terrible! being completely alone in a place so full of college students that basically know each other and their way around. it isnt supposed to be like that, coz u see, i've been through 11 schools through out my 13 yrs of schooling, and 2 other universities already, but somehow, the knowledge that this is it; my final transition, i'm spending the next five yrs in this particular place. i dont know if i'm being extra carefull, or just sick of making new friends that most probably wont even last.
hmmm.. and i've been having this weird feeling everytime i walk on campus, i get this strange phobia like feeling; so aware of everyone around me, so conscious. i dont know...
well, lets just hope i get through this, and hopefully begin studying, coz if i postpone things further, it will turn into a disaster. bad performance can't imposibly help.
meanwhile, in a couple of weeks, i'll have to start dieting to lose the extra weight from summer and ramadan.
i guess someday i will go through this and laugh. till then, i need motivation:(
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