a tribute

to mom, and Teddy. and the angels that stood by me and played a part in getting my life back together. my love to all of you.


“she got married while still in college?!” my sister questions regarding my aunt as she goes through the select pics I picked out. My parents have this box full of photos from back when they were in college, and for some reason-perhaps boredom- I decided I’d look through them tonight. Automatically, I was stacking the ones I liked in a separate stack.
My mom, her brother, her sis, my dad and his sis, all went to college together. And judging by the photos alone, anyone would say they had a hell of a time being there. Put the photos aside, talk to my mom, and you’d end up with the same conclusion; it was a blast! “the best years of her life”. Not hard to believe since college is usually everyone’s favourite time. But the enthusiasm that radiates through her smile when she talks about it...and if there were genes for enthusiasm and passion for medicine and college life, she definitely passed them on to me.
I have always wanted to go to med school. Ever since I was 5, it was decided in my mind. I can’t imagine myself doing anything else for the rest of my life. Even my dream of starting a coffee house chain was never a substitute. And would never suffice. I was born to be a doctor. So you can only imagine how I felt when my life took an awkward twist in the wrong direction.
After I was done with my IGCSEs and applied in colleges-through the stupid system that applies here in Egypt- I had done really well on my IGCSEs, specifically, 7 A stars, 1 A &1 C on my O levels, plus 3 As on my A levels, I don’t mean to brag, but that was good! The uni. applications results came back after applying by a month or so. I was accepted in the faculty of engineering!
Utmost horror wasn’t my reaction. that very same summer, my very best friend Teddy for whom I had feeling for-albeit feelings I never quite completely understood- had passed away, after being terribly sick for like 9 months. So I was already severely depressed, screwed up emotionally, and basically lost, that by the time I read “faculty of engineering” on that small receipt-like piece of paper, I was actually smiling.
The drive with my parents back form the office was basically weird. I had accepted(or so I said) the strange twist of fate and was going to study engineering, become a successful architect, or medical engineer.
And so it was. I went to the faculty of engineering, paid the fees, bought the books and the technical equipment required, and started attending. My parents had traveled already, and I was staying with my grandma. College had started.
I spent quite a lot of time in a 2-3 weeks period basically weeping secretly in the balcony at night. Probably more for the loss of my best friend Teddy than my unfortunate college. I was refusing to admit my defeat and was determined to pass at this. But I guess, I had reached this point where it was impossible for anyone to think that I was less than severely depressed and broken.
One night I even talked with my grandma and discussed with her how nothing really mattered in the first place, and how I didn’t really care about anything that had, or was going to ever happen to me.
The next morning, 2 of my aunts came over and were discussing with my grandma and my mom a course of action. One that would change my life forever. And get it back on the tracks I had so carefully laid out for myself.
“listen sweetie; we are going to ask about transfers, but if it doesn’t work out which it probably wouldn’t, you have 2 options; firstly, is go to a private medical school (only one was available in cairo-and a lousy one!) and next year you can try to transfer to another uni, your second option would be to stay where you are this year, then next year reapply, you would have wasted this year though”. That was instead of “good morning”! I was basically in shock.
We went to the office, and without a lot of details, I had managed to transfer to a medical school that was over 70km from cairo. In the country side. I would be able to transfer to a med school in cairo after 2 years.
My aunt describes me that day, as “a rabbit about to be executed”, curled up in the back seat of her car!
In a brief afternoon, my whole future was taking a sharp turn.
My mom jumped on a plane back to cairo, to help me out with the paper work and be the enormous source of support that she’s always been. The next 2 weeks were frantic. Absolute horror, weakness, and a lot of other emotions.
My whole life plan was shattered that summer. My soul was absolutely crushed.. I had only collected some pieces of my shattered life, glued them together and was less fearful, yet still broken. But at least I was back on track. And piece by piece, I was determined to get my broken heart back together.
A couple of days later, I was at the bus stop waiting for a bus that would take us to the country side. My mom was with me. By my side. And from above an angel was looking over me. Praying for me like I was for him. And his prayers were answered.